poetry as visual art

(In response to R.E.M.’s radio hit song "Losing My Religion")

I say “To MY Decision, MY Religion” 

Wounded by my needs. Now the need to bleed, So I can heal, So I can feel, once again...

Now to Decisions. Decisions, for me and you, for you and me, that I must make. 

The Open Doors that I will take, All the Opinions I might fake, the vows I break, the boughs I shake, 

will take us Further. Further than you or I can see… into a Future, that elusive Future. 

What will it bring? Bring to me, and let me see, More of life. 

But will I want it? What do I want? 

I am confusion, amongst illusion. Lifelong illusions. 

But life is short. What is the Truth? 

Cuz I know pain, and I know gain. I've felt the sun; I feel the rain. 

And love has shown me hate; and Time in time opened up the gate, 

the gates of Hell, from which I yell, to all of Heaven for which I hope. 

And hope has taught me how to cope, 

though I wanted to give up many times. 

I am saved unto this day. But I still find the need to pray.

And my religion is like a garden, full of blooms and full of weeds. 

If I leave it unattended, you'll find me choking on my knees, 

for a breath. The breath of Life. 

And Life, I hear, is a precious thing. 

The birds, the bees, the earth, the trees, 

the sun, moon, stars, and cosmic breeze... 

Let all creatures sing! 

But I was thinking of life's sting, 

and how deeply do I cherish 

all these things that someday perish?

Cuz when I think that it's all vanity, 

I question the whole world's sanity, 

but especially my own.

All alone, 

and all I own.

There's a man. 

Says he's in the corner, 

singing a song. 

How appropriate it feels. 

I sing along, 

But he's losing his religion, and he sets it up. 

Yeah, He's all set up, 

for fame and fortune, in his simple tune; 

trying to keep a view, and we don't know if he can do it. 

Still somehow I feel grateful, because he helps me to see my soul. 

There it is. I am the Thinker, 

thinking of life, and all its questions 

cueing peace or strife, in every nation, 

these questions aren't black or white. 

Still they fight, when all the answers may be fairer without our sight.

All alone, and all I own. 

But I own nothing more than 

heart and mind and soul.

Still I'm not (the) whole. 

I am a part in all completion, but not completion in all its parts.

Now which direction towards Perfection? 

And what is "perfect" man? 

For man is far too far from perfect. 

From whose Great Expectations? We fall from our elation. 

But we need love and laughter to survive. 

No, I mean to THRIVE. Cuz to survive, we all strive. 

Yeah, I think I thought I saw you try.

Do I trust my eye?

There are lies. Lies and deceptions, circling around, 

to be found. And they're found, in the places,

where you least expect them. 

But here is life. 

Life is an exception 

to all the dreams that you dream, 

and all the other things it seems. 

It seems to be, or not to be.

And you are not me. It's true; 

the diff-er-ence will manifest its self. 

In your choice, my choice, the variables, turning tables around. 

It is the sound of voices past, resonating as life repeats… History…

as we never knew it:  Ancestors longing to be FREE, 

bound by the mysteries of Life; 

Our greatest scholars received with strife, 

and with superstitions our lives are still rife. 

And the context that I come from… 

doesn't play in your brain. 

Can you love? Can you care? 

For someone who suffers pain, 

or offers little to your immediate gain? 

And as you judge me, I know you judge me, you criticize yourself. 

Though my actions and though my words betray just a shadow of myself. 

Cuz every time I speak, I feel my spirit leak.

Incriminate my reputation. What new form of deviation?

Wisdom, through trial and error. 

And looking in the mirror... of our actions. 

As we search for satisfaction, 

with Faith, to seal our fates. 

And all I am, all that is me, 

I give to my decisions. 

Pray, not to my derision.

Do I glorify my God? 

The life I trod, with steps unsteady. Oh Lord can I be ready? 

I have sinned... We all are sinners, but I'm told You love us still. 

And I believe it. I believe it. I believe in This Great Will, 

though I only know a glimpse of it. 

Can you believe that I believe? What do you perceive?

In this fleshly heart of mine... Can your love find a place this time? 

Quench not the Spirit. 

Please be sure I hear it. 

How will I know what to do! 

Or my Father, and dearest Mother, 

Is that My Decision too?

I hear a sermon. 

It is a sermon that You didn't give. 

But how long will that sermon live? 

to count up victims one by one... 

I watch the setting, sinking sun, 

and hold in my heart the coming dawn. 

Do you feel the hope, hear in my song?

Thanks for the LOVE. 

And thank you for the Spirit, as you endear it, 

the inscription in our hearts, your holiest art. 

Now I praise You, for the work you've done, 

for you have truly won! 

Won my heart and soul.  Inspired by your love, 

I give to you, Dear One, Above.

But if I err, as foolish Cain did to Abel,

Please show me your Healthier Way.

And in your mercy, Your Great Mercy,

Please teach me how to Obey.

So now I go.

Now to decisions...

Amen, So be it, Each day.

1991 June 28

In response to R.E.M.’s radio hit song "Losing My Religion"  

(coinciding with a major Healing Crisis turning point)

(almost like a manifesto) (seriously) (age 21)